DrippingWings

have i become one of those people - i hate most? one of those pathetic little girls basing her self-worth on the ability to obtain a boyfriend? i'm more convinced i'm just looking for someone to love me - someone to share myself, my thought and ideas with. why do i act out in ways so obnoxious even to myself? why do i seek attention in all the wrong ways? i just want to be able to be myself - and love myself. but i fear this is impossible. today was a good day for myself. i finally realized i HAVE moved on. so pat on the back for me. holy shit. another bloody nose...more later all my love.

i realized today - i stopped listening to music. i dont quite understand. i just stopped. music has always been such a huge part of my life. the ups, the downs, the inbetweens. there was a song for any mood, every situation. i was either listening to music, or had a song meticulously drilling at my brain at all times. lately i've become more reliant on words to express myself. not spoken words, because i've also become somewhat silent. but movie quotes, poems, random thoughts from my own confuzzled head. what does this mean? i still want people to understand me. i still want people to love me. but i am straining and loosely reaching in a diff

I am so alone. All my "friends" now hate me :raincloud: because of my breakup with Anthony. I haven't done anything with anyone since Sunday. World record. I am trying to be a better person, less of a bitch, more loving -but no one seems to notice. I miss human conversation. I miss NOT being alone. I just wish Anthony would stop reminding me of what a horrible person I am. And pretending to be my friend. I no longer have friends. Friends stick by your side when you're going through really, tough times. I have Andrew. And he's going away to rehab for a month. I just don't know what to do anymore. I don't know how to make peace with the group.